With Us

“…and they will call him Immanuel – which means, “God with us.” Matthew 1:23

…had I known
I’ve been asked several times since my arrival in Cameroon, “But if you had really known what it was like here, would you have come?” It’s an interesting question to think about. Had I been aware of how often we’d be living without water and electricity, how dusty and cold our house would be, how “cut off” from the world we’d be, would I have come? Many times, we think it would have been nice to know a little more ahead of time, to prepare, to bring with us a few more items to make our life more enjoyable.

…He knew
The God who is with us, who left the perfection of heaven knowingly and willingly, to live in our dusty, dirty world has gained my respect in a new way this season. When I think of all the little luxuries I long for, I wonder what it is that Jesus longed for as he lived in our world. Did He miss the immediacy of being with the Father? Did he cry over the dirtiness of his temporary habitat, the constant sinfulness he faced each day? He stepped into our world, knowingly giving up perfection, and he didn’t quit or go home early. He didn’t bring anything along to make life more comfortable in our world. He didn’t leave the job half done. Thirty-three years, without a home assignment, without a sabbatical. No colleague who really understood. Not even the appearance of great results to keep him motivated. How did He do it? How amazing that He didn’t give up on us and go home.

…with us
Our answer is yes, we would have come. We’re thankful that we didn’t come empty handed – our suitcases, most of them eventually arrived. We’re glad for family who filled ten boxes and sent them via sea container to make our life more comfortable. And we were really thrilled to go pick up those ten boxes, cleared through customs and delivered to a near-by hospital yesterday. What fun to put Christmas presents under the tree! What joy to give Sarah a few new outfits to wear instead of the two sets she’s been alternating between each day since July. All the stuff adds pleasure to our lives, but the only way we remain content, is with the knowledge that the God who authored incarnation, is with us still. Immanuel knows what it’s like to live in a foreign, sinful, dirty place. He understands what it’s like to live far from home and to long for it. And He knows the pleasure of going home one day. This is the day we truly long for – not just back stateside, but for our permanent home, with Immanuel forever.

The Frame

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

…the frame

A few years ago, I taught a Christmas lesson. The visuals included a frame made up of all the “trimmings” of the holidays (cookies, trees, Santa, bells, church, candles) and a beautiful picture of the manger in the center. What does a frame do for a painting? Perhaps the right frame, chosen correctly, enhances the picture itself. Perhaps the frame helps the picture fit in to a setting. Or on occasion, we blunder by choosing a frame that is so elaborate, the frame draws more attention than the picture itself. Has the frame changed the work of art? No, the purpose of the frame is to show that the painting is a masterpiece, finished, beautiful, and worthy to receive the attention it deserves, to draw attention to the picture itself.

Our celebration of Christmas this year in Cameroon reminds me of this lesson. Our frame for the celebration of the advent of Jesus is simpler than it has ever been. Lights? Haven’t seen any, except for the beautiful stars each night. Candles? Plenty of these, especially when the electricity is out – all one shape and size, all white, and no dripless version available. Christmas programs to attend? No “Nutcracker” this year, like we were able to see in Tallinn. No Sunday school presentation for our children to participate in. No piano lessons this year, so no recital to go to. The girls don’t dance in a national dance group here like they did in Estonia, so no dance performances to dress for and drive to. No chance to hear the “Messiah.” What about snow? Surely we don’t expect a white Christmas this year, although Brian keeps threatening to sift flour over our yard or tape white poster paper to our windows just for effect. We do, however, have a fireplace that doesn’t smoke if we build the fire properly in the back left corner. In fact, we enjoy its coziness. Gifts? Nothing to buy that interests our children. If the sea container with gifts purchased by my folks in August doesn’t clear customs in the next few days, we won’t have gifts to put under the tree for the first time ever. Advent calendars with chocolate to count down the days? Sorry, kids, not an option this year. The drive to Grandma’s house? Definitely not doable this year either. But we look forward to seeing everyone again next Christmas.

What makes up our simple frame this year? First, we collect green stuff. Cypress branches are easily available and last for about 2 weeks in water. Besides that, they are beautiful. A tree, definitely the Charlie Brown version, also cypress, stands in our living room. The branches look lovely, but the tree looks a bit gangly, especially with no lights, no garland, and no ornaments. We plan to come up with our very own handmade paper, cookie, popcorn, and fruit solutions for the decorations. Second, we make treats. Although not gingerbread, we bake brown sugar cut-outs and a few other traditional treats with our available supplies. We also celebrate two European traditions that we’ve picked up in the last ten years: St. Nicholas Day with animal shaped rolls, oranges and peanuts; and the elves who come each night to leave a treat in our children’s slippers as they do in Estonia (the treats are a bit monotonous, but we haven’t heard any complaints) have located us in Cameroon. Thirdly, we listen to Christmas music. We appreciate this real piece of home – no adaptation on this one. And lastly, we created a very simple advent wreath with our one-size-fits-all candles. It is lovely and colleagues lent us a book with readings from Scripture for us to read each day and a short program for us to do as a family each Sunday.

…the masterpiece
With our severely limited options, we have had an amazingly simple December this year. No programs fill up our calendars. No stores entice us to shop and spend. Our simple framework has provided abundant time to ponder the Masterpiece. Isn’t He beautiful? Our Wonderful Counselor and Mighty God comforts us when we long for home, guides us and reveals himself to us through his word. Our Everlasting Father reminds us of his presence in our lives each day. The Prince of Peace has given us peace with God and helps us to be content with how he has provided for us this year. Emmanuel is indeed with us. A simple frame merits some thought for the future. Perhaps our understanding of the Perfect Work of Art has been enhanced more than ever in the simplicity of it all.

Luxury

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17

Growing up in Indonesia, I had a missionary uncle who often said, “You can live without the necessities if you have a few luxuries!” Immense appreciation for some of the luxuries in my life overwhelms me from time to time. What are luxuries in Cameroon?

October. A month between rainy season and dry season. A beautiful time to enjoy the beauty of Cameroon without mud or dust.

A hot shower. What a pleasure to wash away the grime and dust of dry season or the mud during rainy season, to have not only water, but hot running water.

My front porch. Solitude and quiet in the cool mornings as I take a few moments for meditation and to enjoy the roses, hibiscus, dahlias, and lilies growing in my newly established flower bed. This continues to be a lovely place to sit since here in Africa we won’t be seeing snow this year.

A cook. After almost a month without her due to her father’s illness and death, I realize that though we can get by without a cook, my life is far more manageable with her around. I can do the marketing and get simple meals on the table along with homeschooling and laundry. But without a cook I have time for nothing else except sleep. The month without her was exhausting. With our very lovely and skilled cook, my time is freed to enjoy my family, to correspond, to become involved in the lives of people around me, and my family enjoys meals I would never have time to prepare myself (like hamburgers and tacos – grinding all the meat, making your own buns or tortillas, etc).

Cheese and chocolate. At $40 for a ball of cheese, every pizza we enjoy is a luxury. Swiss chocolate is also available for a price; in my humble opinion, it is well worth every penny.

A haircut. Haven’t had one of these for awhile and really wish for one.

A mission vehicle. We have been blessed with the use of a Toyota Land Cruiser able to maneuver on the worst roads for the rest of our year here. We can make to the trip to the city now at half the cost of public transport and far more comfortably for our family. We have regained a taste of “independent” living, being able to come and go as we please and hope to make a few outings to enjoy some nearby cliffs, fields of rock, and waterfalls.

The internet. Our service is quite sporadic. Moments of communication, receiving news of the world, family, and friends, are precious luxuries after days of failure to connect.

Isn’t He a wonderful Father, providing so much more than we need, but providing food for our souls as well? Thank you, Father, for the luxuries we enjoy.

Exuberant gratitude

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. Psalm 136:1

…tragedy
Tragedy abounds. Not a day goes by that I don’t hear another heart rending story. A woman dies leaving her five young children in the care of an irresponsible and drunken father who has other wives and takes no interest in them. A baby dies of AIDS and the mother’s family is blamed even though the father was the carrier of the disease. Another father disappoints his children by “forgetting” to pay the school fees after running off to the city. A mother kills her own child by putting a stick in its mouth shortly after giving birth. An eight year old schoolboy is tricked into becoming involved with witchcraft. A cornfield ready to harvest is destroyed by wandering cows and a family staves off starvation this year. A drunken husband beats his wife and children, and in a fit of rage throws all the children’s clothes and kitchen supplies into the toilet.

…comfort
Joy abounds. I have never seen a people so ready to laugh, to enjoy one another’s company. They are a people who in spite of immense heartache find moments of comfort, especially by being together. We never hear of an ailing or troubled person left alone to deal with his trouble. A sick person’s room is filled with well-wishers. Children left to fend for them selves find a place to eat and sleep by a neighbor’s or auntie’s fire. The community shares the joy and the pain.

…gratitude
Hearts are full of gratitude despite the many reasons to become discouraged. It is said, you are as many people as languages you have learned. Although I still speak English here, a new facet is emerging in my worship and way of thinking as I live in this culture. I have never been so close to the earth, to life, to death, and to the tragedies and triumphs that are experienced on this level before. As I worship alongside my Cameroonian colleagues and neighbors, I am learning to rejoice in God as never before. The sincere gratitude for God’s provision eloquently emerges as our harvest offering becomes the highlight of our worship. Our offering consumes well over half an hour as each of the 800 people attending dance forward and bring the first fruits of their crops to present to the Lord. The exuberant singing evidences their complete faith in God’s sufficiency to provide for every need, emotional and material. Above all He provides for our souls and gives us hope for the future. He is truly our Jehovah Jireh, our provider. His grace is sufficient for me.

Sleep

"He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep." Psalm 121:3-4

...Weary
Numerous times I have planned to sit down and write this entry, and just as many times it has been postponed. The electricity shut down and computer batteries were low, so we save for class preparation. Time ran out at the end of a busy day; I'm just too tired to accomplish one more task. We travelled to missionary retreat and spent time with our colleagues returning with more questions than answers about our future. We enjoyed the black silky sand and the pounding waves of the Atlantic on the Cameroon coast. We have now been completely without running water for two weeks straight, which just adds extra work each day: heating water for bucket baths, filling buckets from the gutter run-off in the rain, washing clothes by hand instead of in the machine. Daily, we hear of another tragic death, a widow in dire straights, or an abandoned orphan. I fall into bed each night exhausted, physically and emotionally. And I am thankful for the gift of sleep.

...Dependent
What a lavishly generous gift! Sleep. My strength is restored. My mind is renewed. My spirit awakes refreshed and ready to see God's faithfulness in the new day. In the book "Humility: True Greatness" C.J. Mahaney writes, "The fact is, God could have created us without a need to sleep. But He chose to build this need within us....Each night, as I confront my need again for sleep, I'm reminded that I'm a dependent creature. I am not self-sufficient. I am not the Creator. There is only One who 'will neither slumber nor sleep' and I am not that One."

...Resting
As I continue to say "yes" to God and the lifestyle He has chosen for me to lead this year, I am grateful that He knows better than I how fragile I am. "For He knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." (Psalm 103:14) He knows I can't handle it. He knows how tired I get. He knows that my emotions become worn each time I face a new impossible situation. He knows all about me. And he lets me sleep. He lets my body rest while He holds the world in His hands. He doesn't need me to sustain anything. He doesn't need my input. He can handle it. He knows all about that widow and that orphan. He knows about my children and their educational needs. He knows about the students in Brian's classes. He knows about the church in Cameroon. He knows about my sister and brother-in-law who are looking for work. He knows about my mom and the eye surgery she faces. He knows all those people about whom I worry. He knows who I am and where I am and He hasn't forgotten me. He knows the past and the future. Isn't it wonderful to lay down and put it all back into His capable hands, aware that He does not slumber. Isn't it good to accept His gracious gift and sleep!

Think About Such Things

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things .... And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8

...expectations
In missionary orientation before we ever left the United States, our instructors outlined expectations for cultural adjustment. We would see all the good, quaint, and lovely at first, followed by a time of crashing down to earth, seeing all the bad, distressing, and ugly. In order to adjust, we were told, we must see both, come to terms with it all and not count it as better or worse than our home culture, just different.

...experience
True to form as we arrived in Estonia, the quaintness of medieval Old Town in Tallinn, the flower stalls lining the sides of the streets, the towering rows of century old oak trees, the serenity of the sea, and the myriad minute differences that made Estonia special caused an immediate infatuation. Eventually, the downside of living in the former Soviet Union became apparent as well. Coming to terms with these issues, my heart fell in love with not only the place, but the people. Certainly living in Estonia was not better or worse than the U.S., just different.

...entering
My love affair with the people and places of Cameroon has gotten off to a very different start. I expected to go through these same stages, but somehow I skipped the first one and went straight to the second, seeing all the bad, distressing, and ugly. From the minute we stepped off our plane into the muggy, smelly airport without any of our 18 pieces of luggage we experienced bumpy roads, dirt, dirt, and more red dirt, rain, uncomfortable transportation, termites, cockroaches (and plenty of other bugs), and even uncomfortable benches in church. The house needed attention, the luggage needed to be found, and everything around seemed distressing. In a word, it all seemed worse. Not only was it worse than the U.S., it was worse than Estonia as well. Several weeks ago, self-assessing my difficulty in having a good attitude in this new place, I realized that I had completely hopped over a key step in my cultural adjustment. The reason for this remains unclear to me. Perhaps I was so wrapped up in saying good-bye that I never prepared myself for the next step. Perhaps I never took time to anticipate the good that God had in store for me. Whatever the reason, I failed to see anything good, quaint, or lovely.

...engaging
Thus, I resolved to fall in love with Cameroon. After all, isn't love really more than infatuation, but a matter of the will? I asked God to change m vision, to help me see the lovely, to notice the praiseworthy, to help me grow to love the people of Cameroon. And amazingly enough, my perspective is changing, not by leaps and bounds, but in small increments each day. A mother steps gracefully, baby bound to her back, bundles in each hand, as she walks home from market balancing her groceries for the week on her head. The me, women, and children of our campus chat cheerfully as they parade past our home each morning on the way to carry water home from the campus well. Our cook laughs heartily at the antics of our four-year-old, and relates stories of her own family. I see cheerful, friendly, laid back yet hard working people. The 400 students sing with gusto and dance enthusiastically as we begin our weekly vespers service, praising God with all their hearts, our small chapel resounding with the beat of the drums. And I am glad. Glad to be part of these lives, these ones who will one day lead the churches of Cameroon. Glad to praise God alongside them. Glad to embrace the challenge of living here. Glad to know that God can change my heart too. Glad to see a glimmer of love beginning to grow in my heart. The "God of peace" is still with me, as He promised, offering peace to me in the place where He has transplanted me.

Standing

“The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back.” Isaiah 50:4

...morning by morning

Moving to Africa, selling and giving everything we owned in Europe away, saying good-bye (for a second time) to a familiar life, and settling into this place has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Waking to horns and roosters and calls to prayer at 5:30 or 6:00 has been an adjustment (my mom will tell you I’ve never risen this early on purpose one day in my life). Seeing the dirt and grime and trash and poverty so obviously around me every time I step out the door (okay, I don’t even always have to step out the door) is not a lifestyle I would have chosen for myself. Setting up a home in a house where the key word for everything is “temperamental” (translate: has been broken for years and rarely works), mildew abounds, and needed a thorough cleaning has required hours of elbow grease, scrubbing, and painting (of course with inferior quality supplies – the epitome of made in China).

… He wakens my ear to listen like one being taught

This month has been one for me to learn again what it means to follow Jesus wholeheartedly, to say yes again to all He wants me to be. He wants me to humbly say “yes” to the surroundings He has placed me in. I thought I was submitted as I said good-bye in Estonia, but realized that I’ve much yet to learn when I glimpsed the place where I must settle into. I am being taught to say “yes” to cement floors, to say “yes” to a much needed fireplace that doesn’t work (fills the house with smoke) even when we are desperate to heat this mountain home, to say “yes” to constant grime, to say “yes” to hauling water when the tank runs dry, to say “yes” to no electricity much of the time, to say “yes” to lack of internet connection except at the internet room on campus on weekdays when the electricity is on, to say “yes” to humility (having the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus)

…an instructed tongue

We came to teach. Brian has scheduled the lectures and assignments. Students arrive daily. But we realize that we must continue to listen in order to be effective. We must listen to the Holy Spirit’s direction in our own lives. We must learn and be “instructable”. He impresses humility upon us. He gives us opportunity to give to overwhelming needs around us instead of spending on our own desires for comfort. He gives us opportunity not just to say “yes” but to live “yes” with graciousness, without bitterness, and in so doing He molds us into His likeness a little bit more each day.

…I have not drawn back

I want to agree with Isaiah, “I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back.” I rebel at moments. I tell myself that I can’t do it. Sometimes in my weariness, I wish to draw back completely, to quit and go home, to find a comfortable place to live. But at the same time, God in me sustains me and strengthens me and gives me the courage to yet again, say “yes”. But oh, how I long to not be rebellious, to not draw back from the opportunities God has given us in any way, to run my home in a way that frees Brian to effectively teach. Every morning, I submit myself again to God, drawing near to Him, and not drawing back from the tasks, the people, the place to which He has called me.

…to know the word that sustains the weary

So, no, it’s not all gloom and doom. Bright spots do encourage me each day. God’s blessings abound in my life, although ignoring them allows me to wallow in self-pity from time to time. He sustains us in the small and enormous ways. So, at the risk of sounding trite, I list them for myself each day so that I remember how great is my God, how much He has done for me:

He saved me, gives me a hope and a future.

We have food, abundant, healthy, and good-tasting on our table each day (prepared by a lovely cook).

Our family is together and healthy, all are adjusting without rebellion to this new place.

Our roof doesn’t leak (except when the rain is really strong).

The morning fog as it lifts from the mountains around us is quite lovely (and I am awake to see it, thanks to those roosters)!

The sun each morning dries my laundry.

I have the finances with which to buy paint and fabric to beautify my home.

Brian’s suitcase finally arrived (containing a computer and all his dress clothes) in time before classes started.

The stars at night stun me with their clarity when the electricity is off and nothing else lights the sky.

I found two lovely and comfortable cane chairs, and a fellow missionary donated time and plants so that now I have an oasis on my front porch where I can sit and read or chat with a neighbor.

Some ladies in an unknown church sent towels and linens “to the missionaries” and a few of them came to me through a sea container sent months ago – what a precious gift to have a few new and beautiful items to cheer up my home.

Our colleagues continue to help, encourage, and lend whatever we need. It is good to pray together, and to be part of a team, to have a specific and measurable job each day.

…etc. etc. etc. God has abundantly met our needs through His word, through the material things around us, through the people around us, through you and your prayers on our behalf. He sustains us when we tire out. He instructs us. He is worthy. He is.

P.S. So, for those of you who have, thankfully, noticed my absence – please, keep praying. I have been silent, learning, growing. God has not been silent, molding, teaching, changing me to be more like Him.