Standing

“The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back.” Isaiah 50:4

...morning by morning

Moving to Africa, selling and giving everything we owned in Europe away, saying good-bye (for a second time) to a familiar life, and settling into this place has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Waking to horns and roosters and calls to prayer at 5:30 or 6:00 has been an adjustment (my mom will tell you I’ve never risen this early on purpose one day in my life). Seeing the dirt and grime and trash and poverty so obviously around me every time I step out the door (okay, I don’t even always have to step out the door) is not a lifestyle I would have chosen for myself. Setting up a home in a house where the key word for everything is “temperamental” (translate: has been broken for years and rarely works), mildew abounds, and needed a thorough cleaning has required hours of elbow grease, scrubbing, and painting (of course with inferior quality supplies – the epitome of made in China).

… He wakens my ear to listen like one being taught

This month has been one for me to learn again what it means to follow Jesus wholeheartedly, to say yes again to all He wants me to be. He wants me to humbly say “yes” to the surroundings He has placed me in. I thought I was submitted as I said good-bye in Estonia, but realized that I’ve much yet to learn when I glimpsed the place where I must settle into. I am being taught to say “yes” to cement floors, to say “yes” to a much needed fireplace that doesn’t work (fills the house with smoke) even when we are desperate to heat this mountain home, to say “yes” to constant grime, to say “yes” to hauling water when the tank runs dry, to say “yes” to no electricity much of the time, to say “yes” to lack of internet connection except at the internet room on campus on weekdays when the electricity is on, to say “yes” to humility (having the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus)

…an instructed tongue

We came to teach. Brian has scheduled the lectures and assignments. Students arrive daily. But we realize that we must continue to listen in order to be effective. We must listen to the Holy Spirit’s direction in our own lives. We must learn and be “instructable”. He impresses humility upon us. He gives us opportunity to give to overwhelming needs around us instead of spending on our own desires for comfort. He gives us opportunity not just to say “yes” but to live “yes” with graciousness, without bitterness, and in so doing He molds us into His likeness a little bit more each day.

…I have not drawn back

I want to agree with Isaiah, “I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back.” I rebel at moments. I tell myself that I can’t do it. Sometimes in my weariness, I wish to draw back completely, to quit and go home, to find a comfortable place to live. But at the same time, God in me sustains me and strengthens me and gives me the courage to yet again, say “yes”. But oh, how I long to not be rebellious, to not draw back from the opportunities God has given us in any way, to run my home in a way that frees Brian to effectively teach. Every morning, I submit myself again to God, drawing near to Him, and not drawing back from the tasks, the people, the place to which He has called me.

…to know the word that sustains the weary

So, no, it’s not all gloom and doom. Bright spots do encourage me each day. God’s blessings abound in my life, although ignoring them allows me to wallow in self-pity from time to time. He sustains us in the small and enormous ways. So, at the risk of sounding trite, I list them for myself each day so that I remember how great is my God, how much He has done for me:

He saved me, gives me a hope and a future.

We have food, abundant, healthy, and good-tasting on our table each day (prepared by a lovely cook).

Our family is together and healthy, all are adjusting without rebellion to this new place.

Our roof doesn’t leak (except when the rain is really strong).

The morning fog as it lifts from the mountains around us is quite lovely (and I am awake to see it, thanks to those roosters)!

The sun each morning dries my laundry.

I have the finances with which to buy paint and fabric to beautify my home.

Brian’s suitcase finally arrived (containing a computer and all his dress clothes) in time before classes started.

The stars at night stun me with their clarity when the electricity is off and nothing else lights the sky.

I found two lovely and comfortable cane chairs, and a fellow missionary donated time and plants so that now I have an oasis on my front porch where I can sit and read or chat with a neighbor.

Some ladies in an unknown church sent towels and linens “to the missionaries” and a few of them came to me through a sea container sent months ago – what a precious gift to have a few new and beautiful items to cheer up my home.

Our colleagues continue to help, encourage, and lend whatever we need. It is good to pray together, and to be part of a team, to have a specific and measurable job each day.

…etc. etc. etc. God has abundantly met our needs through His word, through the material things around us, through the people around us, through you and your prayers on our behalf. He sustains us when we tire out. He instructs us. He is worthy. He is.

P.S. So, for those of you who have, thankfully, noticed my absence – please, keep praying. I have been silent, learning, growing. God has not been silent, molding, teaching, changing me to be more like Him.