God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. James 4:6
…counting down
Each day I hear, “Only __ more days until hot showers, or until Taco Bell, or until we see so and so…” A few members of our family have been counting the days until America. It started around 100. Now only 5 days remain until we leave Ndu. Ten months ago we started a new life on a new continent. I was hoping we’d find a place where we would be indefinitely, a place to continue our career as missionaries. Long-term ministry is what I was longing for. But in a few short days we close the door on this life and make one more transition. Maybe Brian, who grew up in the States, is going home. But the rest of us are starting a new life on a new continent. Sure, some things and people will be familiar. Certainly we look forward to many of the experiences we will have. But for me, this is the biggest change of all. Ever since I was in third grade I have wished for God to allow me to be the one to go into mission work. For the first time in 31 years, I sense God saying no to me going. It’s time not only to settle into a new home, look for a new job, but also to look for a new way to participate in God’s plan for the unreached people of the world. As we count down the days, some of our family are thrilled with the prospect of seeing cousins, grandparents, and eating Dairy Queen on the way home from the airport. But as the date draws nearer, I shed tears, wishing that submission to God’s plan for me would feel easier. Sure, I want to see everyone, but I wish it was yet another home assignment, that I wasn’t saying good-bye to Africa, to missions, to this life-style I love.
…doubting
The verse, one of the first I learned as a child, has been “my verse” for 2008-2009, James 4:7-8. Submit yourselves, then, to God. This I have to do daily in humility and dependence on him, and it has through lots of little steps, brought us to this big step that we are taking as we move back to the states. We believe the decision is directed by God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. As we take the steps of submission and obedience, I doubt. I doubt if we heard God’s voice correctly. I doubt if God will really provide a seller for our house in Estonia. I doubt if he will give us a new job in Wisconsin. I doubt his plan. I don’t understand it because the need is still great, both in Estonia and in Cameroon and in many other places around the world. I doubt that my Father really knows me, or why would he ask me to take this step. And then I am reminded that I must resist Satan and all the doubts he plants in my mind. Come near to God and he will come near to you. This is when I obey in spite of my doubts. I cannot be double-minded, but I must single-mindedly follow him.
…keep counting
So the countdown continues… The countdown to seeing how God will provide. The countdown to feeling at home in a new place. The countdown to renewing friendships and making new ones. The countdown to finding a new way to be involved in missions. Many of you who read my blog have been our faithful friends and supporters. You read so that you can pray for us. I’m counting down the days until I am the one reading the blogs of missionaries and praying alongside you.
…counting down
Each day I hear, “Only __ more days until hot showers, or until Taco Bell, or until we see so and so…” A few members of our family have been counting the days until America. It started around 100. Now only 5 days remain until we leave Ndu. Ten months ago we started a new life on a new continent. I was hoping we’d find a place where we would be indefinitely, a place to continue our career as missionaries. Long-term ministry is what I was longing for. But in a few short days we close the door on this life and make one more transition. Maybe Brian, who grew up in the States, is going home. But the rest of us are starting a new life on a new continent. Sure, some things and people will be familiar. Certainly we look forward to many of the experiences we will have. But for me, this is the biggest change of all. Ever since I was in third grade I have wished for God to allow me to be the one to go into mission work. For the first time in 31 years, I sense God saying no to me going. It’s time not only to settle into a new home, look for a new job, but also to look for a new way to participate in God’s plan for the unreached people of the world. As we count down the days, some of our family are thrilled with the prospect of seeing cousins, grandparents, and eating Dairy Queen on the way home from the airport. But as the date draws nearer, I shed tears, wishing that submission to God’s plan for me would feel easier. Sure, I want to see everyone, but I wish it was yet another home assignment, that I wasn’t saying good-bye to Africa, to missions, to this life-style I love.
…doubting
The verse, one of the first I learned as a child, has been “my verse” for 2008-2009, James 4:7-8. Submit yourselves, then, to God. This I have to do daily in humility and dependence on him, and it has through lots of little steps, brought us to this big step that we are taking as we move back to the states. We believe the decision is directed by God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. As we take the steps of submission and obedience, I doubt. I doubt if we heard God’s voice correctly. I doubt if God will really provide a seller for our house in Estonia. I doubt if he will give us a new job in Wisconsin. I doubt his plan. I don’t understand it because the need is still great, both in Estonia and in Cameroon and in many other places around the world. I doubt that my Father really knows me, or why would he ask me to take this step. And then I am reminded that I must resist Satan and all the doubts he plants in my mind. Come near to God and he will come near to you. This is when I obey in spite of my doubts. I cannot be double-minded, but I must single-mindedly follow him.
…keep counting
So the countdown continues… The countdown to seeing how God will provide. The countdown to feeling at home in a new place. The countdown to renewing friendships and making new ones. The countdown to finding a new way to be involved in missions. Many of you who read my blog have been our faithful friends and supporters. You read so that you can pray for us. I’m counting down the days until I am the one reading the blogs of missionaries and praying alongside you.
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