Finishing with honors

"But Daniel resolved not to defile himself..." "To these four young men God gave knowledge and understanding of all kinds..." Daniel 1:8, 17

...honors
The good-byes have begun already. We still have two months to wrap up our work, but with the end of the school year, we are faced with summer vacation (hurray!) and with a few final good-byes. Last week we finished art and music classes. This week the girl's choir performed for the last time. And yesterday, Nathan completed his second year of Estonian national school with honors, among the top students in the school. Proud parents thrill to see him excel in a second language. Have you ever written poetry in an adopted tongue? Are you able to quote the old proverbs in two languages? Our eight year old can.

...behavior counts
We realize that academic excellence is wonderful, but not everything. Our pride grows as we see that not once in two years has Nathan received anything less than a perfect score for behavior. He has been graded weekly. Our young man has "resolved not to defile himself" and has gained the favor of his classmates and teachers. God has given him "knowledge and understanding of all kinds." And no, it has not always been easy with no teacher supervision during recess and classmates who clearly have no respect for God's way of doing things. He has figured out how to navigate a shame-based school system with grace and humor. He has prayed for his classmates daily this entire year, that God would save them and show them the way to know Him. Even an eight year old boy recognizes that a "child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right."

...God's goodness in action
So, after cleaning out a very messy desk and collecting most of his things (we are missing a winter coat and one pair of gym shorts), we had to say good-bye to a very lovely teacher. In Estonia one teacher stays with the students from 1st through 4th grade, so this has been his only schoolteacher so far. And so, as I thanked Nathan's teacher, a very typical and very reserved Estonian lady with whom I have never spoken on a personal level, I was shocked to see tears well up in her eyes. She initiated a big hug, and expressed her sadness to see Nathan leave her classroom. Apparently, he will be missed, not just because he earns honors as a student, but because God has used him to bring a measure of God's goodness to a class of 2nd graders. His teacher noticed a difference.

Sometimes we do not see the effects of living a pure life or the answers to our prayers. Are we willing to live "holy", separated, in a foreign land as Daniel did? We are all foreigners in this world, no matter where we live. My boy reminds me to "resolve not to defile" myself, to live "holy". How else will our neighbors, friends, and acquaintances see God's goodness in action?

Resilience

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17

…change

Our family will have lived in three countries during the course of one year, none of them being our “passport” country. Talk about change. Sure, these changes provide wonderful opportunities that many people only dream about. We’ve ridden a cable car to the top of the Alps, wandered around medieval castles, and walked the path where the Berlin Wall once stood. We’ve attended a wonderful training course, taught Good News Clubs in towns that have no gospel witness, and provided web-sites where untold numbers of people, both children and adults, can investigate Christianity on an on-going basis. Wow! Experiences beyond our imagination await us in Cameroon.

…resilience or rupture

But with these opportunities comes an incredible amount of change, myriad good-byes, and untold grief. I recently reread lots of good advice about dealing with transitions for “third culture kids”. It’s filled with practical pointers on how to say good-bye and create an atmosphere to positively deal with all these changes. One article talks about “nurturing resilient children” and I wonder how can I raise resilient kids when I wonder if am resilient enough to make this next move? Webster’s defines resiliency as “the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change, the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress” and resilient as “capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture, elastic.” Am I capable of withstanding the shock of yet another move or will I be deformed or rupture? Will my children recover their shape after this kind of stress? Are we as a family able to adjust easily to change?

…shifting shadows

Isn’t it good that God does not change? In all of our change, I read in James that God gives good and perfect gifts. He does not change like shifting shadows, or like the number of daylight hours in Estonia. He remains the same in all our changing circumstances. It is only in this truth that we move forward hopefully in spite of all the dismal predictions for people who face repeated change. He who was faithful to my parents when they served in Indonesia, who was our provider when we had no money to buy groceries, who was our companion in years of serving here, practically as the sole missionaries, will be faithful yet again. Yes, I will do my part to act on all the great advice given by those who have already walked this path. But ultimately, I cannot be elastic enough to meet all the needs of my children and our family without the unchanging Father who will continue to be faithful and good.

Passports and Sparrows

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31

…details

Are there two empty visa pages in my passport or none? (There were none, but now I have about 20.) Do I get to my appointment at the consulate 15 minutes early (and have to stand outside and wait) or on time (and go right in?) Do we have the proper vaccinations or not? (No, it takes 3 different appointments over the next two weeks.) Do I have a US address to put on the application? (Thank goodness for parents!) Do I mark “tourist” or “visitor” on the application? (Our friends in Cameroon know this one.) Does DHL know the location of my package containing six passports en route to the United States or is the package lost? (We haven’t tried this one yet.) Do the six passports get through the visa process in time for the flights that have to be prescheduled or not? It’s all in the details. Crazy as it seems, we plan to send our passports on a very long, but relatively inexpensive journey to the Cameroon embassy in the United States while we stay in Estonia. The alternative, all six of us traveling with our documents to the USA, is much more costly and time consuming.

…sparrows

“His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.” The words to this old song hummed through my head and reminded me that he sees, knows, and cares. I trust that he watches not only how many hairs are on my head, but that he watches my passport fly across the sea, that he watches it arrive safely in the embassy, and that he even sees it get stamped with all the right stamps and sent back in time to assure us safe arrival in our new home.

…my worth

“Are you not much more valuable than they?” If God knows enough to provide food for the sparrows and clothes for the flowers, can he not do the same for me? As the song goes,

"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Roots

"May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love, and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God's children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is, and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself." Ephesians 3:17-19 TLB

"Good people will prosper like palm trees,
Grow tall like Lebanon cedars;
transplanted to God's courtyard,
They'll grow tall in the presence of God,
lithe and green, virile still in old age."
Psalm 92:12-14 the Message

May 11, 2008
Sunday morning, Mother's Day

...withering
There is no service at our church today, canceled for a family day. Often we are disappointed by the commitment to worship of our chosen church family here in Estonia. Other churches do have services more regularly, but this one needs us and the stability we offer. But on mornings like this, I resonate with Brian's statement that "we are withering on the vine here." Often we long for fellowship with like-minded Christians. This is one of the reasons that spurs us to move again, in spite of the great need here.

...transplanting
Pulling up roots again. As an MK, we pulled up and moved several times. I'm sure my mom understands the upheaval of transplanting to a new place, culture, and language, again. As a young mom, my roots grew quickly and easily in the fertile soil of our church family in Ogema, Wisconsin. A transplant two short years later to Chicago wasn't so easy. I was exuberant when God reassigned us to the very sparsely populated and beautiful country of Estonia. And my roots have grown again, slowly, ever so slowly, as I have painstakingly learned a hard language so that I can make friends. In the process we purchased a little spot to call our own and I began planting a garden. My perennials are beginning to look like they belong, sort of like me. And yet, so many things are foreign here - I have never felt completely at home. Still, I stop to visit for an afternoon with a friend, and I come home with a headache. It's hard work to listen in my adopted language. So I have longed many times as we contemplate this next assignment that God would give me a place where I can just stay until the end of my life. No more transplanting, please!

...the soil of God's marvelous love
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read this translation of Ephesians 3 a few weeks ago. It occurred to me afresh that the roots of my soul will never be satisfied in a place, no matter how conducive to growth it may be. Only when I put my roots down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love will I be filled with God himself. Only when I allow myself to be transplanted into God's presence will I grow tall, lithe, green.


...flourishing
So this mother's day, I thank God for a mother who satisfies the roots of her soul in God's presence daily. And I pray that my children will understand the depth and width of God's marvelous love for them. I pray that as we transplant our family to a new place, our roots will remain steadfastly planted in God's presence, that my children will grow tall like Lebanon cedars.

Eternity in My Heart

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil – this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him. Ecclesiastes 3:11-14

May 10, 2008

4:37 a.m.

…a time to be silent

I rise with the light of a new day here in Estonia. Typically a late sleeper, today my heart is full with the truth of God’s beauty, his timing, and his completeness. As we conclude our eight years of service in this place, I am assured that God still sees me. Amazing! What he has done here will endure forever. Nothing is wasted in his plan – not one moment of language learning, none of the tears, not one telephone call or visit with a friend, not one fraction of loneliness.

…a time to laugh

Although I cannot see all of his purposes, I don’t need to. It’s not my job. I am simply to “do good” while I live. What better is there to do than God’s work? Gratitude wells up within me that I have had the opportunity to see God making my life and several of those around me beautiful over the last few years. And what a journey we are on as we follow him, this time to Cameroon. What is the next beautiful thing he is going to do in my life, perhaps through tears and weeping, perhaps through laughter and dancing?

…a time to uproot

Yes, we still have lots of questions. Why don’t more men revere him? Why has he allowed us to grieve the death of our dreams for ministry here in Estonia? Why do we need to uproot our family yet again? It is time to give up my search for answers and simply follow.

…a time to keep …a time to throw away

Packing comes next. How do I keep all the memories of God’s goodness? So much must be tossed, given away, or sold. The physical reminders will no longer be at hand, so in writing I erect memorial stones of my own to hold on to, to record God’s faithfulness.

…a time to speak

After months, no years, of upheaval in my heart as I mourn for the job we could not complete here, the realization that no matter how great the storm, God can calm it enters my heart. He knows when the winds blow too strongly in my life and at the right moment, he speaks. Thank you, God, for speaking this week. What may seem like a rash decision to move our family is the culmination of several years of storm. What a privilege to find satisfaction again in our toil. This is the gift of God.