Giants in the Land

He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes. Deuteronomy 10:21

…giants
When we made the decision to return to the States and resign from missions six months ago, our situation seemed bleak. We owed monthly payments on a house in a country where we no longer lived. We had no job. We have four children to house and feed. We were giving up what felt to us like a stable and secure financial situation to move to northern Wisconsin. Lots of factors led to our decisions, but the long and short of it is that we felt God was leading us to a pretty narrow geographical region, within about a 30 mile radius of a little town we used to live in, Ogema. We felt like we were facing giants in the land. Where would we get a job or a house in this little place? What about all the people losing jobs in America? Isn’t it a bit crazy to quit ours, especially realizing our limited marketable skills? Why not go somewhere bigger, with more opportunities? But we did indeed sense God’s specific leading and began to act upon it.

…conquering the giants
And like the Israelites as they obeyed the specific direction of the Lord, we have seen God go before us, performing miracles on our behalf. Six months later, looking back, we can see the hand of God and his amazing timing and his awesome wonders in our life.

Five months ago, we heard of four pastoral positions opening up in a span of six months, all within the radius we wanted to be in, so we applied. This was a miracle all by itself, since there are so few evangelical churches in this area.

Three months ago, a friend went to work looking for suitable housing for us. She found a four bedroom house, fully furnished, for us to use over the summer. Wow! Does God care? Does he provide?

Two months ago we learned that one of the churches was not going to hire Brian. A few days later another of the churches called to schedule a phone interview with him, so two days after we arrived in the U.S.A. he was already doing a job interview. God provided clothes, sports equipment, food, dishes, help moving in to our new home, free passes to the Creation Museum for our family vacation, and so many more little things as we made the transition to our new temporary home.

And within the last two weeks, God’s timing in our lives has been so evident. Two days before our power of attorney ran out in Estonia, our house sold and closed! We no longer had to worry about travelling back to sell our house and instead of payments on a house we aren’t using, we have a great down payment on a new place. Several days later, Woodland Church called Brian to be their pastor. So not only has God given us a job, but he has given us the desire of our heart, to continue serving in a ministry setting full time. Not a lot of houses are available in this little area that are suitable for our family, so God did another little miracle for our family by making a 2 acre plot of land available for purchase right on the road at the edge of town where we hoped to be and allowing us to start a family project we’ve always dreamed of – building a home. And to make it all possible we needed a house to rent for one year. So to top it all off, a house just right for our family will be ready to move in to this week, and not a day earlier, just in time to get settled before school starts.
… living in the land
We began to worship with our new church family yesterday, and feel so blessed to be loved right from the start, to know that God has led us together beyond any shadow of doubt, by his direct intervention in our lives, and in his perfect timing. We don’t know what is in store for our family or for our new church family, but whatever may come in the days ahead, we do know that God has clearly placed us among these people.

Like the Israelites, we are a stiff-necked people. God hasn’t given us his blessing because of our merit, but only because he has chosen us to be his own and because of his great mercy. To think that a year ago, we almost came to the states, bypassing Cameroon. Had we not obeyed and gone to Cameroon, we would have missed seeing this season of blessing in our lives. Often he allows us to wander in the desert, teaching us, humbling us to walk in his ways. But once in a while, he allows us to see his great wonders in our lives. Forbid that we should become proud and think that we “did” any of this or forget the Lord our God, who has done these things. We, like the Israelites, must be careful to remember him as we eat and are satisfied, as we build a house and settle down, to remember to give him the praise. “And now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord’s commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?” Deut. 10:12-13

Beside Quiet Waters

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.” Psalm 23 1-3

Whirlwind . . .

A busy weekend included a grand, colorful, and jubilant graduation ceremony with several thousand people celebrating together and parties afterwards. It also included the last stages of packing and parting with stuff as we prepared to leave the place that had been our home for the academic year. And much of our busy weekend was spent saying good-bye to people who had become special to us over the course of the year. Two days of travelling for the last time over bumpy roads reminded us that Cameroon was going to keep on being Cameroon right through to the end of our stay. Our bags and shoes were doused with muddy water coming through the rusted floor of our taxi as we drove over mud holes in the road and the toilet in our guest house on the way out was not working. Stepping onto the Swiss plane in Douala, Cameroon was like stepping into another world. One day and two continents later, we greeted grandparents and relatives, ate Dairy Queen and Taco Bell, admired the well manicured lawns of suburbia, purchased a car, a couch and a computer, and went to an amusement park.

We face a multitude of choice wherever we go. Shopping for simple items and ordering at a fast food restaurant make for stressful moments as we relearn how to live in the United States. After ten months with nowhere to go and having to create our own excitement, we have a myriad of activities to choose from, from jumping on the trampoline at Grandma’s to the go-kart to fishing to shopping to …to…to……. Of course, some things take no thought at all. Hug that special person again? You bet – I have to make up for all the hugs I missed these last four years. Haircut and highlights? Absolutely, no matter the cost! Pedicure to remove the red dirt? Gotta schedule that!

Beside quiet waters . . .

In the midst of all the changes and choices, I could easily be overwhelmed. But I am reminded that He is leading me. As we walk through the doors He has opened for us, like moving back to Wisconsin, we realize that He is leading us to just the right spot for our family at this time. As we drove the six hours northwest from Chicago, we left suburbia behind and found ourselves in the north woods. The terrain and trees are familiar and pleasant, not much different from the northern country of Estonia – plenty of birch and pine. The stress of a year left me with each turn of the tires. The lakes, the sky, the trees refresh my soul. But even more refreshing is the assurance that God is leading the way. His rod nudges me to the right place for my soul. And he provides more than a place to be restored, he provides the people who welcome us with food and help unload our truck, people who set-up and clean as we settle in. He sends old friends and a few new ones to make sure more than our stuff is unpacked, but help us unpack our hearts as well with a few well-worded questions and a listening ear. He provides a home just three doors down from the church where we can use wifi and just across the street from the elementary school where our kids can play. He notices my fifteen year old by giving her a cousin who just decided to buy her a hair straightener and curling iron to replace the 220 V versions she had to leave behind. He cares for my twelve year old by giving her a bagful of clothes, just perfect for her, some with the tags still on – an expensive hoodie that suits her beautifully that I never could afford to give her. He pays attention to my ten year old when a family with several boys stops by to welcome us on our first day in Ogema and they end up staying and playing for several hours. He remembers our four year old by making sure someone donated her favorite kind of cereal for our food shower – it was waiting in our cupboard just for her. Amazing. Where God leads He always provides.

He restores my soul . . .

My soul needs restoration, to be put back into condition. A car might be restored so it can be driven and enjoyed again. A house or piece of furniture can be made “like new” to be lived in or used again. And in order to be most useful to God, my soul needs restoration from time to time. Coming back from this term of service we may be a bit “used up” in ways. Our souls have received a few nicks and bruises, a few scratches and scrapes. God has been molding and shaping us, giving us a unique set of experiences and character qualities. God knows and is making us ready for his next assignment for us. As we take our month of vacation, we’re not doing much, not travelling far, not going to too many places. As yet with no firm job offers, we could be anxious and worried, but it seems that God would have us relax and rest and allow our souls to be refreshed. And so we take each day for what it is – a chance to be renewed and ready to be used again. Where that might be, we are not yet sure. What he may have us do, he has not yet indicated. But we want to be in condition, to have spiritual vigor and health, that we may be ready for service when he shows us the next step forward.

Countdowns

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. James 4:6

…counting down
Each day I hear, “Only __ more days until hot showers, or until Taco Bell, or until we see so and so…” A few members of our family have been counting the days until America. It started around 100. Now only 5 days remain until we leave Ndu. Ten months ago we started a new life on a new continent. I was hoping we’d find a place where we would be indefinitely, a place to continue our career as missionaries. Long-term ministry is what I was longing for. But in a few short days we close the door on this life and make one more transition. Maybe Brian, who grew up in the States, is going home. But the rest of us are starting a new life on a new continent. Sure, some things and people will be familiar. Certainly we look forward to many of the experiences we will have. But for me, this is the biggest change of all. Ever since I was in third grade I have wished for God to allow me to be the one to go into mission work. For the first time in 31 years, I sense God saying no to me going. It’s time not only to settle into a new home, look for a new job, but also to look for a new way to participate in God’s plan for the unreached people of the world. As we count down the days, some of our family are thrilled with the prospect of seeing cousins, grandparents, and eating Dairy Queen on the way home from the airport. But as the date draws nearer, I shed tears, wishing that submission to God’s plan for me would feel easier. Sure, I want to see everyone, but I wish it was yet another home assignment, that I wasn’t saying good-bye to Africa, to missions, to this life-style I love.

…doubting
The verse, one of the first I learned as a child, has been “my verse” for 2008-2009, James 4:7-8. Submit yourselves, then, to God. This I have to do daily in humility and dependence on him, and it has through lots of little steps, brought us to this big step that we are taking as we move back to the states. We believe the decision is directed by God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. As we take the steps of submission and obedience, I doubt. I doubt if we heard God’s voice correctly. I doubt if God will really provide a seller for our house in Estonia. I doubt if he will give us a new job in Wisconsin. I doubt his plan. I don’t understand it because the need is still great, both in Estonia and in Cameroon and in many other places around the world. I doubt that my Father really knows me, or why would he ask me to take this step. And then I am reminded that I must resist Satan and all the doubts he plants in my mind. Come near to God and he will come near to you. This is when I obey in spite of my doubts. I cannot be double-minded, but I must single-mindedly follow him.

…keep counting
So the countdown continues… The countdown to seeing how God will provide. The countdown to feeling at home in a new place. The countdown to renewing friendships and making new ones. The countdown to finding a new way to be involved in missions. Many of you who read my blog have been our faithful friends and supporters. You read so that you can pray for us. I’m counting down the days until I am the one reading the blogs of missionaries and praying alongside you.

Some things I love about Cameroon…

April! Not only is it my birthday, but it’s beautiful. Every few days, we enjoy rain and our view, with clear skies, green plants, and blooming flowers. Although we didn’t have winter, we feel as though spring has arrived. A cup of tea in the cool morning breeze, sitting in a comfy wicker chair and enjoying a flower garden starts each day perfectly, no matter where in the world one might live and I get this pleasure each morning way out in Ndu.

Kribi! The tropical beach we visited in March stunned us with incredible white sand beaches and waterfalls pouring directly into the Atlantic Ocean replete with palm trees and fisherman in dugout canoes (just the right touch to remind me of my childhood in Indonesia). We used to camp out on the beach when I was a kid, but for me Kribi was even better as we exchanged tents for a classy hotel. Yes, the hotel was a highlight for me – with imported foods (like Parmesan cheese), no fluorescent lights, and even hot running water (all the time)! It was well worth the 12 hour drive just to get there.

My kids! Okay, I know they are with me no matter what country we’re in, but only for a few more years. When I consider what next year may look like, I realize that this is my last year to spend all day every day with my very cool kids. We’re going from home school to public and I’m going from having four kids around all the time to having none at home during the school day in just a few months. Have I ever mentioned that I have great kids? Who else has teenage girls who don’t complain about taking bucket baths every day for months? (This, of course, is an advantage for our son who prefers not to bathe at all.) Who else has a 15 year old who plays with her 4 year old sister without being asked? Who else has a 9 year old son who instead of playing game boy or play station, reads the encyclopedia by candlelight and thinks he’s having fun? My kids have pitched in with additional chores, done puzzles and played board games and thought of myriad other ways to spend their time in the bush and they’ve done it all in the spirit of adventure and without complaining. I’m going to miss spending my days with them.

New friends! Just last week another missionary family “stopped by” (you can’t really stop by Ndu, it’s not “on the way” to any where) for a few days just to visit on their way back to their home in the jungle. And this week I get to help plan a birthday surprise (dinner out, a “restaurant” on the terrace, without her preschoolers) for a lady who lives on campus here. Just as good-byes from either side of the ocean are the hardest part of missionary life, good friends all over the world are one of the greatest benefits.

Candles! My kids say candles certainly aren’t romantic anymore because we need them just to see most nights. But I disagree. I love the ambiance and even though washing dishes takes a little more time by kerosene lamp, the glow of candlelight always makes me feel warm and snuggly inside as we enjoy the cool mountain air each evening.

Brian! All right, I realize he’s not going to be left behind either, but I’m glad I’m not here without him. I’ll be the first to admit it – he’s the one with a sense of humor in our family. I’m quite sure I wouldn’t have survived this year without being able to lighten up about it and laugh through it all.

And as I think about those things that bring pleasure to my days, I realize again that it’s the simple joys that continue to brighten my life-these and the awareness that all good things are gifts from my Father’s hand.

Faith: Dead or Alive?

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance….Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”

…lights
The kids laugh and say it’s certain a move is coming when mom starts reading Fitted Pieces and starts looking at houses on the internet. Since I can only do one of these this year, the day I pulled out my handy book on missionary kid transitions, resilience in change, etc. they decided our move was immanent and began counting down the days. I’m certain a move is around the corner when my thoughts turn to the subject of roots. Do I have any? How do I keep the good from this place and allow myself to be transplanted yet again and enjoy what God has for me in the new? So at 48 days left, I’ve finished reading all those reminders about how to “do” transition and begin contemplating. It’s time to get ready…

…camera
In the fertile African soil, I’ve discovered that many plants can be transplanted with no roots at all. Just cut off a branch and stick it in the soil, keep it watered and it will grow. Roses, geraniums, and all kinds of stuff I don’t have names for grow this way, and I have a brand new flower garden to prove it. As our family transitions from missions to staying in the states, I feel like this is the way I’m being transplanted. Just chop me off from all that is familiar in life and commitments I thought would take a lifetime and stick me in the ground of a place where the roots have to form completely from scratch. I love missions. The need is just as great as it ever was. The percentage of people that know Jesus in Estonia has not changed. Still, half the churches in Cameroon have no trained pastor. The Fulani people who live in this area of Cameroon are still unreached. Many languages remain to be translated. And yet, God has made it clear that I am to bloom in another corner of his garden. “Consider it joy… What good is faith without action?” In between these passages, James says that God gives wisdom to those who ask. We have asked. We believe God is directing us. We are told not to doubt. Maybe it sounds strange, that a move home would feel like a trial for me. But it does. It’s uncertain. Instead of saying, “See you next year” to new friends and colleagues as we had anticipated when we moved to Cameroon, we are saying, “Add me to your newsletter list.” I don’t understand the “why” God is moving us or the “how” I’m going to fit into this new life. My faith is being tested as I must walk yet again into an unknown future. God is completing me. God knows the work left to be done, but He is also concerned with what is lacking in my own life.

…action
Realistically, friends wait for me. Family is on that side of the ocean. The culture and language are familiar. So I won’t really be starting from scratch. It’s my thought processes and heart condition that feel as though this transition, of the many I’ve made in life, is especially abrupt, painful, as though I’m being completely cut off from the plant I belong to. Will I ever “fit in” again? Will I be impatient with my home culture? Will I feel guilty for using water 24/7? Will I be able to integrate all that I’ve learned over two terms of missions into my new life stateside? In many ways, I’m a different person than the one who set off 10 years ago. Will I wither or learn to bloom again and complement the garden of my home church? Will I prove my faith by what I do? Will I believe and not doubt, that God knows what He’s doing in my family? I hope so.

Fear, Finances, and Folly

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Heb. 11:1

…fear
So for 10 years we’ve been “living by faith”, depending on people and churches to give all we need to live and do ministry. The problem is, it doesn’t take much faith anymore. God has provided really well for us through our ministry partners. There is never a doubt in our mind that our budget will be met. We’ve never lived in deficit. For us, “living by faith” has been a financially secure way of life. Now, we’re entering back into the “real world”. We have to think about how to earn a living. We’d love to stay in ministry. So Brian has sent his resume to several churches in the area where we plan to relocate. But… will he be hired to do what he has been trained to do? We don’t know and as we look for other job options, we realize that we have a bit of a problem. Neither of us is very marketable. We have 11 years of higher education between us, but have no skills that are very useful in the secular marketplace. With house payments to make in Europe, no firm job possibilities in North America, and four children to provide for we’re feeling like the days of “living by faith” have just begun.

…finances
The Bible says an awful lot about money – how to spend it, how to give it, how to save it. We’ve learned lots of times that when we give away our stuff to do as God directs, He always provides what we need. But it doesn’t make it easier to close up shop on a secure income and trust that God will help us make those payments or sell the house on our behalf. Although the BGC/Converge is generous in helping us resettle in the States, a few thousand dollars doesn’t set up a house, phones, transportation, etc, etc, for a family of six. Although we’ve worked hard to save up money, living in Cameroon has been an expensive venture. Everything from taxes and transportation to telephone bills has been amazingly high for the quality of “service” we get. It’s a daunting prospect to realize that in spite of the things we’ve stored for years in my mom’s attic, we have to start from scratch buying soccer balls and bikes, mattresses and sheets, and everything in between.

…folly
So, is it folly to give away the bit that we have here in Cameroon, or should we try to sell our cargo? Is it crazy to move and resign without a job to go to? Some would tell us we’re nuts, but we don’t think so. When God said go, we went. And He was faithful in every way. Now, God is saying go home, and we are going. It’s not folly. It’s faith.

Dust, Rain, and Bibles

As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after thee.
You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship thee.

Dry season has been over for about a month as I post this…..electricity, internet, and no time to spell check…

Dust…
Dust hangs in the air we breathe. Dust billows around our feet when we step out the door. Dust must be wiped off the laundry lines each morning before I hang the clean clothes. On my way back from market I notice that I am wading through dust. I wipe the table after dinner, but must wipe it again before breakfast the next morning and the cloth comes up red, the color of the dust that settled there overnight. Dust makes me cough and I wonder if my lungs will survive dry season in Cameroon. I blow my nose after a walk and my Kleenex is red (OK, I know it’s gross). Do my lungs look the same way?

Rain…
At the same time the seminary has run out of resources (i.e. money) for the year and has decided the water pump costs too much to run at $20 USD a day. So we can expect no more running water until the end of the year. This means that at $2 a drum, we must conserve and not waste a drop until the long-awaited rains arrive. We did receive rain two days in a row about two weeks ago, which settled the dust for a few days, but the dryness is so great that much more is needed. And of course, the water that filled our drum that day was mostly mud since all the dust that had settled on our roof was washed along with it into our drum. Once the rains come we can collect the rain water from our gutters in buckets, and our drum will fill for free. I have never longed for rain so much.

Oh, for water! I’m practically panting. I would sing along with Bilbo his favorite bath-song,

“Sing hey! For the bath at close of day that washes the weary mud away!
A loon is he that will not sing: O! Water Hot is a noble thing!

O! Sweet is the sound of falling rain, and the brook that leaps from hill to plain;
But better than rain or rippling streams is Water Hot that smokes and steams.

O! Water cold we may pour at need down a thirsty throat and be glad indeed;
But better is Beer, if drink we lack, and Water Hot poured down the back.

O! Water is fair that leaps on high in a fountain white beneath the sky;
But never did fountain sound so sweet as splashing Hot Water with my feet!”

Thanks to J.R.R. Tolkien for his comments on the current water problems at C.B.T.S. and to my lovely neighbor, Linda, for bringing it to my attention.

Bibles…
The dust and the rain bring me to Bibles. Do I long for God’s word as much as I long for rain this year? Am I thirsty to read Scripture as my body is thirsty for a hot shower? Several students at our seminary have no copy of the Bible, or perhaps just a new testament, or even just a gospel of John. I wonder how it is that they have funds to pay for a seminary education, the stated goal being to study God’s Word, and yet not have bothered to raise funds for a copy of God’s Word (yes! It’s available here) first. Once I have water, will I appreciate it? Since I have a Bible, do I appreciate it, read it, grow from it, get to know my Savior better? Am I happy with a “bucket bath” in God’s Word each day, or do I immerse myself getting to know the Living Water of my soul? Do I “Sing hey, for the living water that washes my soul at start of day! … O! Water Living is a noble thing!”

As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after Thee…

Birds of a Feather

“Open up before God, keep nothing back; he’ll do whatever needs to be done:
He’ll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon.

Quiet down before God, be prayerful before him.
Don’t bother with those who climb the ladder, who elbow their way to the top.”

Psalm37:5-7 The Message

...waiting
Perched in a row, waiting. All of us missionaries detained an entire day from traveling home after our meetings for various reasons. Waiting for people, waiting for vehicles and travel arrangements, waiting for paperwork, waiting in line. That particular day, we were waiting for visa paperwork to be completed. Then we were fingerprinted and had to wait for the electricity to come back on in order for the proper photos to be taken. Back at home in Ndu, Brian waits to do class prep as he waits for the person with the key to the textbook room. Classes start two days late waiting for students to arrive. We wait for word from home when the internet doesn’t work. And as we ponder where to go from here, we wait for direction from the Lord. Is there a place for us to return to Cameroon or is it time for us to resettle back in our homeland?

...redeeming the time
As we sat waiting, one of us commented, “If only our supporters could see us now… their missionary dollars hard at work.” How true, that in the process of doing our jobs, there is seemingly a lot of down time, time that in our eyes should be redeemed for better purposes. As much as we try to be responsible with our time, sometimes we feel as though we are not really accomplishing that much. How comforting to know that we have held nothing back, and that he will validate our lives and stamp us with approval. He redeems the waiting in my life for his purposes. He brings that person by to chat while we’re waiting. He teaches me patience and humility as we watch the clock tick on. He compels me to quiet down before him, to be prayerful. He reminds me not to elbow my way through, not to push my own agenda whether it’s simply to get the work done more quickly or whether it concerns our missionary teammates and possibilities for our future here in Cameroon.

...wondering "what's next?"
So as we wait, we wonder yet again, what’s next? Please pray with us that God would help us to be quiet before him, not elbowing our way into what seems best to us. Please pray alongside us. As we prepare to return to the States at the end our second term, we need God’s direction in our lives as we consider how to live lives open to God, holding nothing back. We wonder about our children as they prepare to complete high school and enter college soon. We wonder about our family in the States and how we can love them and serve them best? We have always felt that in whatever capacity we serve, as pastor, as missionary, as children’s worker, as professor, that we have a deep and abiding commitment to serving the church whether at home or in some other place. We wonder about our own desires to continue to participate in the life of the church and how God will see fit to use us as part of his overall plan in the coming years.