Some things I love about Cameroon…

April! Not only is it my birthday, but it’s beautiful. Every few days, we enjoy rain and our view, with clear skies, green plants, and blooming flowers. Although we didn’t have winter, we feel as though spring has arrived. A cup of tea in the cool morning breeze, sitting in a comfy wicker chair and enjoying a flower garden starts each day perfectly, no matter where in the world one might live and I get this pleasure each morning way out in Ndu.

Kribi! The tropical beach we visited in March stunned us with incredible white sand beaches and waterfalls pouring directly into the Atlantic Ocean replete with palm trees and fisherman in dugout canoes (just the right touch to remind me of my childhood in Indonesia). We used to camp out on the beach when I was a kid, but for me Kribi was even better as we exchanged tents for a classy hotel. Yes, the hotel was a highlight for me – with imported foods (like Parmesan cheese), no fluorescent lights, and even hot running water (all the time)! It was well worth the 12 hour drive just to get there.

My kids! Okay, I know they are with me no matter what country we’re in, but only for a few more years. When I consider what next year may look like, I realize that this is my last year to spend all day every day with my very cool kids. We’re going from home school to public and I’m going from having four kids around all the time to having none at home during the school day in just a few months. Have I ever mentioned that I have great kids? Who else has teenage girls who don’t complain about taking bucket baths every day for months? (This, of course, is an advantage for our son who prefers not to bathe at all.) Who else has a 15 year old who plays with her 4 year old sister without being asked? Who else has a 9 year old son who instead of playing game boy or play station, reads the encyclopedia by candlelight and thinks he’s having fun? My kids have pitched in with additional chores, done puzzles and played board games and thought of myriad other ways to spend their time in the bush and they’ve done it all in the spirit of adventure and without complaining. I’m going to miss spending my days with them.

New friends! Just last week another missionary family “stopped by” (you can’t really stop by Ndu, it’s not “on the way” to any where) for a few days just to visit on their way back to their home in the jungle. And this week I get to help plan a birthday surprise (dinner out, a “restaurant” on the terrace, without her preschoolers) for a lady who lives on campus here. Just as good-byes from either side of the ocean are the hardest part of missionary life, good friends all over the world are one of the greatest benefits.

Candles! My kids say candles certainly aren’t romantic anymore because we need them just to see most nights. But I disagree. I love the ambiance and even though washing dishes takes a little more time by kerosene lamp, the glow of candlelight always makes me feel warm and snuggly inside as we enjoy the cool mountain air each evening.

Brian! All right, I realize he’s not going to be left behind either, but I’m glad I’m not here without him. I’ll be the first to admit it – he’s the one with a sense of humor in our family. I’m quite sure I wouldn’t have survived this year without being able to lighten up about it and laugh through it all.

And as I think about those things that bring pleasure to my days, I realize again that it’s the simple joys that continue to brighten my life-these and the awareness that all good things are gifts from my Father’s hand.

Faith: Dead or Alive?

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance….Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”

…lights
The kids laugh and say it’s certain a move is coming when mom starts reading Fitted Pieces and starts looking at houses on the internet. Since I can only do one of these this year, the day I pulled out my handy book on missionary kid transitions, resilience in change, etc. they decided our move was immanent and began counting down the days. I’m certain a move is around the corner when my thoughts turn to the subject of roots. Do I have any? How do I keep the good from this place and allow myself to be transplanted yet again and enjoy what God has for me in the new? So at 48 days left, I’ve finished reading all those reminders about how to “do” transition and begin contemplating. It’s time to get ready…

…camera
In the fertile African soil, I’ve discovered that many plants can be transplanted with no roots at all. Just cut off a branch and stick it in the soil, keep it watered and it will grow. Roses, geraniums, and all kinds of stuff I don’t have names for grow this way, and I have a brand new flower garden to prove it. As our family transitions from missions to staying in the states, I feel like this is the way I’m being transplanted. Just chop me off from all that is familiar in life and commitments I thought would take a lifetime and stick me in the ground of a place where the roots have to form completely from scratch. I love missions. The need is just as great as it ever was. The percentage of people that know Jesus in Estonia has not changed. Still, half the churches in Cameroon have no trained pastor. The Fulani people who live in this area of Cameroon are still unreached. Many languages remain to be translated. And yet, God has made it clear that I am to bloom in another corner of his garden. “Consider it joy… What good is faith without action?” In between these passages, James says that God gives wisdom to those who ask. We have asked. We believe God is directing us. We are told not to doubt. Maybe it sounds strange, that a move home would feel like a trial for me. But it does. It’s uncertain. Instead of saying, “See you next year” to new friends and colleagues as we had anticipated when we moved to Cameroon, we are saying, “Add me to your newsletter list.” I don’t understand the “why” God is moving us or the “how” I’m going to fit into this new life. My faith is being tested as I must walk yet again into an unknown future. God is completing me. God knows the work left to be done, but He is also concerned with what is lacking in my own life.

…action
Realistically, friends wait for me. Family is on that side of the ocean. The culture and language are familiar. So I won’t really be starting from scratch. It’s my thought processes and heart condition that feel as though this transition, of the many I’ve made in life, is especially abrupt, painful, as though I’m being completely cut off from the plant I belong to. Will I ever “fit in” again? Will I be impatient with my home culture? Will I feel guilty for using water 24/7? Will I be able to integrate all that I’ve learned over two terms of missions into my new life stateside? In many ways, I’m a different person than the one who set off 10 years ago. Will I wither or learn to bloom again and complement the garden of my home church? Will I prove my faith by what I do? Will I believe and not doubt, that God knows what He’s doing in my family? I hope so.

Fear, Finances, and Folly

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Heb. 11:1

…fear
So for 10 years we’ve been “living by faith”, depending on people and churches to give all we need to live and do ministry. The problem is, it doesn’t take much faith anymore. God has provided really well for us through our ministry partners. There is never a doubt in our mind that our budget will be met. We’ve never lived in deficit. For us, “living by faith” has been a financially secure way of life. Now, we’re entering back into the “real world”. We have to think about how to earn a living. We’d love to stay in ministry. So Brian has sent his resume to several churches in the area where we plan to relocate. But… will he be hired to do what he has been trained to do? We don’t know and as we look for other job options, we realize that we have a bit of a problem. Neither of us is very marketable. We have 11 years of higher education between us, but have no skills that are very useful in the secular marketplace. With house payments to make in Europe, no firm job possibilities in North America, and four children to provide for we’re feeling like the days of “living by faith” have just begun.

…finances
The Bible says an awful lot about money – how to spend it, how to give it, how to save it. We’ve learned lots of times that when we give away our stuff to do as God directs, He always provides what we need. But it doesn’t make it easier to close up shop on a secure income and trust that God will help us make those payments or sell the house on our behalf. Although the BGC/Converge is generous in helping us resettle in the States, a few thousand dollars doesn’t set up a house, phones, transportation, etc, etc, for a family of six. Although we’ve worked hard to save up money, living in Cameroon has been an expensive venture. Everything from taxes and transportation to telephone bills has been amazingly high for the quality of “service” we get. It’s a daunting prospect to realize that in spite of the things we’ve stored for years in my mom’s attic, we have to start from scratch buying soccer balls and bikes, mattresses and sheets, and everything in between.

…folly
So, is it folly to give away the bit that we have here in Cameroon, or should we try to sell our cargo? Is it crazy to move and resign without a job to go to? Some would tell us we’re nuts, but we don’t think so. When God said go, we went. And He was faithful in every way. Now, God is saying go home, and we are going. It’s not folly. It’s faith.

Dust, Rain, and Bibles

As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after thee.
You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship thee.

Dry season has been over for about a month as I post this…..electricity, internet, and no time to spell check…

Dust…
Dust hangs in the air we breathe. Dust billows around our feet when we step out the door. Dust must be wiped off the laundry lines each morning before I hang the clean clothes. On my way back from market I notice that I am wading through dust. I wipe the table after dinner, but must wipe it again before breakfast the next morning and the cloth comes up red, the color of the dust that settled there overnight. Dust makes me cough and I wonder if my lungs will survive dry season in Cameroon. I blow my nose after a walk and my Kleenex is red (OK, I know it’s gross). Do my lungs look the same way?

Rain…
At the same time the seminary has run out of resources (i.e. money) for the year and has decided the water pump costs too much to run at $20 USD a day. So we can expect no more running water until the end of the year. This means that at $2 a drum, we must conserve and not waste a drop until the long-awaited rains arrive. We did receive rain two days in a row about two weeks ago, which settled the dust for a few days, but the dryness is so great that much more is needed. And of course, the water that filled our drum that day was mostly mud since all the dust that had settled on our roof was washed along with it into our drum. Once the rains come we can collect the rain water from our gutters in buckets, and our drum will fill for free. I have never longed for rain so much.

Oh, for water! I’m practically panting. I would sing along with Bilbo his favorite bath-song,

“Sing hey! For the bath at close of day that washes the weary mud away!
A loon is he that will not sing: O! Water Hot is a noble thing!

O! Sweet is the sound of falling rain, and the brook that leaps from hill to plain;
But better than rain or rippling streams is Water Hot that smokes and steams.

O! Water cold we may pour at need down a thirsty throat and be glad indeed;
But better is Beer, if drink we lack, and Water Hot poured down the back.

O! Water is fair that leaps on high in a fountain white beneath the sky;
But never did fountain sound so sweet as splashing Hot Water with my feet!”

Thanks to J.R.R. Tolkien for his comments on the current water problems at C.B.T.S. and to my lovely neighbor, Linda, for bringing it to my attention.

Bibles…
The dust and the rain bring me to Bibles. Do I long for God’s word as much as I long for rain this year? Am I thirsty to read Scripture as my body is thirsty for a hot shower? Several students at our seminary have no copy of the Bible, or perhaps just a new testament, or even just a gospel of John. I wonder how it is that they have funds to pay for a seminary education, the stated goal being to study God’s Word, and yet not have bothered to raise funds for a copy of God’s Word (yes! It’s available here) first. Once I have water, will I appreciate it? Since I have a Bible, do I appreciate it, read it, grow from it, get to know my Savior better? Am I happy with a “bucket bath” in God’s Word each day, or do I immerse myself getting to know the Living Water of my soul? Do I “Sing hey, for the living water that washes my soul at start of day! … O! Water Living is a noble thing!”

As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after Thee…